A Cautionary Halloween Tale From Carl....

Recently, Carl had to write a story using some specific vocabulary words for his English class. He decided to write a Halloween story. I present it to you, for your consideration:

It was Halloween, the time of year where, during the nocturnal hours, children emulate beasts from our imagination. Inevitably they will fill the streets, ringing doorbells superfluously in their hedonistic pursuit of sugar. And when they get home, they would eat almost half of what they earned in an impetuous manner, hoping to get the ephemeral joy candy provides.

But this is not a story about children. It is instead about an opulent couple with a fiasco of a marriage. Their smiles were spurious, as their rancor for each other was unimaginable. They never conformed with each other, and there always was some form of altercation going on between them. If he said he was diligent and assiduous, she would say, "You haven't worked a day in your life!" If she said her handwriting was florid, he would say, "It's the most prosaic writing I've ever seen." If he said, "I look young for my age," she would reply, "You look so old people think your venerable." In truth they were both bad people. They weren't sagacious, precocious, benevolent, or intrepid. They were only condescending to each other.

Four days before Halloween, one of them, (the husband) decided to abbreviate the marriage and collect a fortune from his wife. And you probably inferred, it was not done with a lawyer.

Now, this man was quite the demagogue, and in order to make himself a form of lawsuit immunity, he bribed several officials, including the sheriff. That's why no questions were asked when he called to have his wife's corpse removed and the evidence destroyed at his house. He also called the judge to throw the case determining who gets the money in his favor. After that, he had someone forge a will that made him get everything. He even went to her funeral to spit on her grave, and said, "I hope she's down below, where she belongs."

Her spirit, sitting at the funeral, was extremely mad. He really had the nerve to spit on her final resting place! What made her really angry was that he carried out his plan to kill her before she could carry out her plan to kill him. She whet all of those knives for nothing! "He's going to pay. He's definitely going to pay."

It was Halloween, and the husband was in his home, popping champagne corks at remaining photos of his dead wife. "Got one!" he yelled, as he hit a photo right between the eyes, cracking the glass. It was then that the room went dark. When the lights came back on, he noticed something odd: a picture of him replaced the one in the picture frame.

It was then he heard a cryptic voice telling him, "You were the worst husband ever!" He immediately started running. "You can't outrun me," the voice continued, "You're in my house!" Things started flying around, some hitting him. Attempting to escape this barrage of miscellaneous missiles, he ran to the door. He was almost there when she appeared. "I want a divorce," she hissed.

Neighbors immediately heard loud screams and laughter coming from the man's house, so they called the police. When the police arrived, they were horrified to find the man's body. Everywhere.

They still say that sometimes, if you're lucky, you can hear the couple yelling, for even in death, they have not found peace with each other.

(I couldn't help but add, "But at least she did find a piece of him.")